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Thread: Economics Lesson

  1. #1
    Half-Fast Rider Strieber's Avatar
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    May 2001
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    Dripping Springs / Port Aransas
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    Economics Lesson

    Economics that we were never taught :

    DEMOCRAT:

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    You feel guilty for being successful.

    You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to

    sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then

    take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.

    You feel righteous.

    Barbara Streisand sings for you.


    SOCIALIST:

    You have two cows.

    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


    REPUBLICAN:

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    So?

    COMMUNIST:

    You have two cows.

    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    You wait in line for hours to get it.

    It is expensive and sour.


    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

    You have two cows.

    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support

    a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your

    government.


    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

    You have two cows.

    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you

    for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


    AMERICAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are

    surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the

    analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

    Your stock goes up.


    FRENCH CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    You go to lunch.

    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

    produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably

    crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


    GERMAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give

    excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


    ITALIAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.


    RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You count them and learn you have five cows.

    You have some more vodka.

    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

    You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.

    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


    POLISH CORPORATION:

    You have two bulls.

    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    FLORIDA CORPORATION:

    You have a black cow and a brown cow.

    Everyone votes for the best looking one.

    Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.

    Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't

    figure out how to vote at all.

    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the

    best-looking cow.

    NEW YORK CORPORATION:

    You have fifteen million cows.

    You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick

    some fat cow from Arkansas
    The purpose of modern government is to take money from the folks who save and pay their bills and live within their means, and use that to hire government workers; and to keep their power by using the money to buy votes from those who do not save and pay their bills and live within their means.
    JERRY POURNELLE

    ><)))))*> -----------------------------

  2. #2
    River Rat Dragon's Avatar
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    Nov 2002
    Location
    Marble Falls
    Posts
    592

    Re: Economics Lesson

    NEW YORK CORPORATION:

    You have fifteen million cows.

    You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick

    some fat cow from Arkansas
    hahahhahahah

  3. #3
    MoJo Neophyte mtbchick's Avatar
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    Nov 2002
    Location
    longmont, co near the people's republic of boulder
    Posts
    7

    very nice! what about...

    brasilian capitalism

    you have 2 cows

    you cut down the rain forest to feed them

    the government gives you a grant and you buy more cows

    you cut down more rain forest to feed more cows

    you hire the natives to milk the cows

    you sell some milk to the cities

    you use the money to cut down more rainforests

    now the natives have nowhere to live


    argentine capitalism

    you have 2 cows

    you borrow money to pay 2 guys with a master's degree in engineering to milk them

    you sell the milk to brasil

    you can't repay your loan

    the principle of your loan doubles due to inflation

    your company is swallowed up by the government, and the loan is defaulted, and the imf comes in and bails the government out.

    (ok maybe it's not so funny, but i tried).
    tonya r laffey, mba

    follow your bliss (joseph campbell)

  4. #4
    F**K the establishment flbikerman's Avatar
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    Dec 2001
    Location
    Ft Worth
    Posts
    3,301
    ITALIAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.

    Outer space is just 62 miles away.

    "There are circumstances in life that cause us to become strangers even to ourselves."

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