Strieber
11-05-2002, 09:23 AM
The Ant & The Grasshopper
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter. The grasshopper think's he's a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are
cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth,
this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the
grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act", retroactive to the beginning
of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire
a proportionate number of green bugs and, having
nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home
is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant,
and the case is tried before a panel of federal
judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the
case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
up the last bits of the ant's food while the
government house he is in, which just happens to be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he
doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the
snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over
by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter. The grasshopper think's he's a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are
cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth,
this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the
grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act", retroactive to the beginning
of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire
a proportionate number of green bugs and, having
nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home
is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant,
and the case is tried before a panel of federal
judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the
case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
up the last bits of the ant's food while the
government house he is in, which just happens to be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he
doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the
snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over
by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican